Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
