Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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