when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
