she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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