Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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