You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
