Moan for me like Helen Keller
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
sex in a hospital.. check
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
