im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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