Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
