He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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