WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
