Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
