i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
