well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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