That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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