i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
