Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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