Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
