youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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