the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
