I wanna bring you to show and tell
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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