I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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