our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
