Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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