it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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