Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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