Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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