Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
