Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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