omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
