I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
