she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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