she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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