Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
