told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
