Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
