It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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