Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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