So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You ruined the universe
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
