I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
