That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
