The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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