He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
