just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
