Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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