Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
