take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
