the condom got lost in my hair
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
