Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
