we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
third nipple confirmed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
