Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
