i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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