i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
