what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
