No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
