im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
