just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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