So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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