So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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