idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
