God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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