Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
