Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
