Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
