i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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